Lady of Leisure

I love my job. Hands down, it's an incredible job and I thank God, probably every other day, for putting this in his big picture for me (Thanks, G!). There are so many amazing perks that come with this job and for me, at the top of the list, (Besides the travel) is probably the fact that I get to stay at some amazing, AH MAZ ING, hotels worldwide. Take this girl... settled into a 5 star hotel combined with an amazing location...add her imagination and ability to get so far lost from reality and it's not hard to see what the equation is...Brittany thinks she's a Lady of Leisure! Yes, yes, yes, it's true, but I promise that if you get over the fact that you are a faux LOL (Lady of Leisure, prob not a coincidence that it's also Laugh Out Loud) you can really have fun with it! For example, I just came off of a three week trip at an amazing resort in Sonoma, California. The spa at the hotel where I stayed was recently ranked top 25 spas by Travel and Leisure magazine. Did I attend morning water yoga at the spa with the other LOL's, all the while imagining that I was one of them? Of course I did. Did I walk around the hotel in my cute, fall clothes (Non uni hours) and make believe that I was celebrating my one year anniversary of marriage with my gorgeous husband by touring wine country? Duh. Did buy lavender candles and votives for my room to create a sanctuary of luxury, leisure, and love, all the while pretending that I was in my very own room, in my beautiful spanish mansion? Is that even a question?

I just arrived on a program in Argentina. I am in the Andes (Thanks again, G!) and in the town of Bariloche. It is often referred to as the "Switzerland of South America"...and it's more than obvious why. Upon arrival, (24 hours of really bitchy travel), I was taken aback by the beauty (Puke Pretty... aka I could vom bc it's so pretty). Bariloche is a two hour flight southwest of Buenos Aries. It's remote, quiet, and unbelievably beautiful, so after an awful journey here, I arrived and what did I do? Sleep. Ugh! What a waste, but really, I was beyond exhausted. When I woke I decided to take advantage of my one night alone here (I came one day earlier than the rest of my colleagues) so I took a hot bath, got dressed and decided to walk around the property. The hotel is this beautiful, cozy, lodge, overlooking a huge lake, with the Andes Mountains (Snow-capped, of course) in the background. I did not get far, the property is not THAT big and I ended up at the lobby bar. I sat down and my waiter informed me that happy hour was going for 30 more minutes (All liquor=50% off). You have no idea how helpful this discount is to a faux LOL (I really wanted to take advantage and order four, but knew that would give away my disguise). I ordered one (and two and three very quickly) and fell hard, very, very hard. There I was, in a beautiful room with a huge fireplace and wood floors, beautiful rugs and chandeliers, amazing floral arrangements....and tons, and tons of LOL's with their lovers, and not the typical LOL (30 something plastic female with 50-60 something impeccably dressed male)....these lovers were all well into their 60's and looked beyond amazing together. They were sharing drinks, laughs and years of love while looking out at the lake and the mountains over early evening drinks (As I sat creeping on them alone with my drink(s)). Never have I EVER been so envious of couples (Seri). Pretty sure on this particular evening I didn't come off as an LOL, they probably thought my parents were sleeping or something, but either way, I think I fell harder, on this particular evening, than Taylor Swift does on any given Tuesday.

So the upside to my crazy job? Envisioning myself as a real LOL. The downside? Ugh... being an FLOL. Why order the pork steak when you can have filet every night? Get my point? It's easy to get spoiled and it's getting very hard (Who am I kidding, it always was) for me to differentiate fantasy from reality and I know that as a SCL, my end goal is not to be an LOL, but every girl can have a dream, right?!

Until tomorrow, I will enjoy my one evening alone, sans work, and savor life as an FLOL.

I See London, I Don't See France

Three months, no posts, and no excuses, tsk tsk! Quick re-cap of my time in Europe.

I sat next to a cute guy on my flight from Chicago to London, who just so happened to be heading to Paris that weekend. I had exactly two things on my agenda, meet a cute guy and lure him to the Eiffel Tower with a bottle of champagne in hand for a late night French kiss! We exchanged numbers and cards and agreed we'd be in touch once we were settled in London the following day. One down, one to go! I arrived in London on top of the world, everything in life was falling into place and nothing could get me down. I was ready to begin the best two months of my life, starting with a little rendezvous in Paris!

My first stop was at the hotel where I was going to be staying following my trip to France. I decided I would leave my two large bags with the hotel so I would not have to lug all three, two weighing over sixty pounds, with me. Upon my arrival, my perfect plan slowly started to crumble. After spending forty minutes convincing the girl at the front desk that I was going to be staying at their five star hotel for seven weeks and that it should not be a problem for them to hold my luggage, I then received news that my train to Paris was overbooked and my ticket was cancelled. I immediately booked another ticket and headed to the train station. When I arrived I stood in the wrong line for forty five minutes, sprinted to the line I was supposed to be in, only to be faced with an evil, horrible, woman who told me that my ticket did not go through and that my credit card was being declined. I assured her that I had called both my banks on the way to the airport just the day before, but she insisted that there was nothing she could do. She stared at me and I swear on my closet if i had stood there for two more seconds, two snakes would have come out of her eyes and sunk their teeth right into my neck. I turned and left.

So there I was, in the middle of busy St. Pancras Station... I had no cell phone, no money, no internet and it finally dawned on me that I was completely alone in a country where I knew no one and had nowhere to go. I wanted to throw myself on the ground of the busy train station and cry, but refused to let tears be real. Afterall, I was in London, the easiest foreign place for an American to be. I started to wish I were in some remote town in the middle of Asia so I could have my breakdown. It really would have made me feel better.

I bought a cup of coffee with the three pounds that I had and went outside and sat on a curb for about an hour trying to get internet connection, no such luck. This is when I started to get a bit frantic. Should I go to the police station?! The American Embassy?! Who could help me?! I started staring at strangers with a sad look on my face, hoping that they would offer help. I figured that at least one of the construction workers would take pity on me and offer me food or a warm place to stay...they didn't. I needed to take a more proactive approach. I decided I would head to a bar, get really drunk and cry, and hopefully the bartender would take pity on me and after his shift take me to his place and let me crash on his couch for the weekend (My girlfriend and I did this in L.A. once, but only got one night on a couch and had to bounce the next day). I then realized I did not have money to get drunk.

I got up and walked to four hostels, hoping they would see I was desperate and not some druggie, homeless girl and let me stay the night and pay them later, but they were all booked solid so I finally accepted reality, I was homeless. I literally had no other option than to sleep on a bench in a park with the homies. Just me, my computer, and a carry on with some clothes and a couple of handbags...homeless chic was going to take on a whole new meaning. Before hitting the bench, I decided to stop at a hotel and give my credit card one more try and what do you know, my card was accepted! (Totally convinced that devil woman was not even running my card).

The crack den aka my hotel room, was itty bitty and in the basement of the hotel. I am pretty sure a seven day drug binge had just taken place prior to my check in, but compared to a bench in the park, the room was a dream (Kind of like when a homeless person salivates over a half eaten burger in a dumpster). I could not have been more relieved and happy and for the record, the next time I hear someone say that money does not bring you happiness, I am going to slap them and step on their expensive shoes because clearly, they have never been homeless and even though I technically have not either, I came pretty damn close to being a lady of the park.

After a seven hour nap, I connected to the internet and was placed in touch with someone who knew a good friend of mine. The girl took me in for the rest of the weekend and following that, I checked into the hotel which was my home for the next seven weeks.

The rest of the summer was amazing. I fell in love with London, especially all of the outdoor markets where I stocked up on little dresses and tons of great jewelry. I went to Wimbledon and Stonehenge, Windsor and Bath, and even spent a week in Spain.....it was fabulous. I fell in love with the Victoria and Albert museum and my afternoons spent walking around the parks and the city. And although I never ran into my obsession, Pete Doherty, life in London was a total dream.

Lesson Number Two Learned On The Road: Always have plenty of cash on hand when arriving to a foreign destination.

VBC Steps Over the Sea!

I received an email from my boss in June saying that my schedule had changed and that she thought I would be pleased. I was then informed that I would be spending my summer in London...to say this girl was pleased is quite an understatement. I had three weeks to wrap my brain around the fact that I would soon be sharing the streets and pubs with Kate, Harry, and Lily!

It was the night before my trip and time to pack. It was 10:00 PM and I was out of excuses to put it off so I begged a girlfriend of mine to sit in on my packing session. I needed packing support in a major way. I really encourage all travelers who despise packing as much as I, to have a friend present to help get you through the painful two or more hours it often takes, especially when you are staying somewhere for an extended period of time. Especially, especially when you are going somewhere really fabulous like London and must look effortlessly put together every second of every day!

Example.
Me: "Soooo I definitely need this black DVF dress."
Packing Support: "Uh, don't you think that dress is a little formal to take with you?"
Me: "Well I was thinking it would be perfect if I meet a guy and he invites me to a wedding or something."
Packing Support: "Brittany, put the dress in you closet."
Me: "Okay."

So as you can see, it's very easy to get carried away while packing and it is most necessary to have P.S. on hand to keep you grounded when you start to slip away from reality, which I often do. And I am not knocking the dream world, I spend most my time there and find that life is much more exciting and enjoyable in my head, however it is very important to be grounded when doing things like packing (Tears are real when you realize you desperately need that cream, lace dress and it's hanging in your closet), ghetto cruising (Defeats the whole purpose of driving through the ghetto) , and while having serious talks with your boss, police officers, or your crush after having a bit too much to drink at 3:00 AM.

So I packed my life away and was ready for my big, fabulous, extraordinary, amazing summer in Europe! The plan was set, to leave for London the following day and then head to Paris for the weekend. I made up my mind that I was spending the Fourth of July laying on a blanket under the Eiffel Tower with a bottle of wine. I envisioned fireworks (Wasn't even sure if they celebrated the birthday of America in France, but in my head they sure did!), wine, and a very romantic evening spent with my new Parisian crush who would soon become my summer boyfriend and would be traveling to London on the weekends to visit me! Au revoir America, bonjour Europe!

No Lifeguard On Duty

I almost died tonight. This is very real and after my brush with death I thought about how long it would take before housekeeping came in and found my body laying in cold water. It was disturbing and I made a vow right then and there that I will never attempt yoga poses while in a bathtub...ever again...especially when alone.

I walked into my hotel room for the first time on Monday and was, for one second, in awe and then suddenly so depressed that I was all alone and had no one to share THE SEXIEST hotel room ever with (Even just a girlfriend!). I opened the door to a completely dark room and when I stepped inside the shades slowly started opening (the ENTIRE wall is floor to ceiling glass overlooking Vegas), dim lights came on and soft music started playing....ummmmm where have I been? Clearly not staying in the hotels where cool people sleep...or don't sleep. So for the past two days I have been consumed with my uber sexy room....from the foyer, to the bathroom, the bed, and everything in between. Since I am staying here for 12 nights I have started to pretend (I'm really good at it) that this is my condo and I am this totally rich, 25 year old girl that could not be more unaware of the fact that I am living in such fab digs. Each evening after work I get into my huge, egg shaped tub (Pour exactly one bottle of the bath gel they supply) and soak like a goddess. I point my toes in the air and slide all the way in until I am underwater and my back is touching the bottom of the tub (Occasional scissor kicks)....basically I have way too much fun in the bath for a serious career lady of twenty five years.

Today I felt like death (Pretty sure it's all the recycled air I am breathing in). I decided that I needed to REALLY pamper and relax myself tonight in order to refresh myself for another long day tomorrow. I had the "Music for Lovers" channel playing, the lights down super low, and the water extra hot so I was feeling super limber and loose in my bath and decided to try out this move I saw Lindsey Lohan do in a photo shoot the other day (I watched a video of the shoot online). She was in this yoga looking position where her spine was rounded and her knees touched her forehead and toes were pointed straight ahead (Divers do it off the high dive). So as I was easing into my position, my back slipped down the edge of the tub (Stupid bath gel) and I slid all the way down until my head was completely under the water, I guess I gasped when I went under because bath water rushed into my mouth!!! I got my hands on the bottom of the tub, pushed my head above the water, and spit the water out, coughing, and fighting to catch my precious breath... Obviously no one was there to rush to my side and ask me if I was okay (Which sucked) and so I just sat there... stunned... in silence. I thought of everything that I would never get to see if I had died then and there, my gorgeous husband, my white (or black can't decide) Range Rover, my children (Names can't be revealed) , my home in Colorado and my brownstone in the West Village. My heart ached when I imagined never seeing my family or my purses again and I decided then and there that I was not ready to leave the world just yet and I will do whatever it takes to stay safe while on this crazy journey I have just begun.

Lesson Number One Learned on the Road..Never attempt photo shoot/yoga poses while in the water sans photographer or lifeguard.

Woman on the Rise

Someone must be pleased with my GG (Good Girl) attempts this year, because as I begged, wished, and prayed, 2010 is treating me very well! This BG (Bad Girl) landed herself a big girl job! Not only did I land a job, but a job that I fits me like a luxurious, satin glove. My job requires travel around 220 days a year….and that includes LOTS of international travel....hello Paris, Barcelona, and Sydney!! This job could not have come at a better time…no rent and no ring means I get to prance around the world with not only an open mind, but also a very open heart! Bring on ze sexy men with accents that make this American girl melt like fro yo on a hot summer day!

I never pictured myself as a real life SCL (Serious Career Lady) and when I found out that I would be traveling in business attire, I almost choked on my latte. I am the girl at the airport in slouchy Juicy sweat pants, a white v, tons of jewelry, and oversized sunglasses (kinda like to pretend like I am Nicole Ritchie at the AP). Goodbye hippie headbands and leggings with cowboy boots at the term and hello slacks and cardigans….it was a VERY hard pill to swallow. On my return flight from my first SCL business trip to Chicago, I wore a black suit and realized that it can be quite fun in a very different way to be in business clothes when traveling.

This morning as I was getting ready to leave for my second work trip, I decided that I was going to go for the SSBL (Super Sexy Business Lady) look. Black pencil skirt, black cardigan, and four inch black J. Simps stilettos, oh my! Let me tell you something ladies, I don’t know what it is, but there must be something about a working woman that men like, because the treatment I am getting today is much more than I ever have received before in an AP! As I boarded my flight (Southwest) I was trying to decide where to sit and a man stood up and pointed to the seat next to him and told me I could sit with him, he then grabbed my carry on and put it overhead for me, (Thanks sir!). I went to the restroom just as they were taking refreshment orders and I asked him to get me a Sprite Zero, when I came back he told me he ordered me a vodka to go with it (I thanked him, but insisted that he drink it…SCL’s always arrive sober to work!). On my way to the restroom a man in an aisle seat asked me if I would like a chip, (Dead Serious), I thanked him and politely declined (I really wanted to accept, but my pencil skirt begged me not to). This flight has now made me realize that just because I am not 22 years old and in my shabby chic attire, that I am growing into an SCL that is getting much more attention from all the traveling gents. As of mid flight today, I now wear the white topaz JF ring I got for my 21st birthday on my right ring finger instead of the left, don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea, this SCL does not have a ring on it!

* The above was written while on my flight to Vegas today…when I walked out of the airport there was a line around 47 people deep to get a cab… the guy in charge pulled the barricade open and told me to "Come in here"….I was in the next cab. I guess it pays to be polished!

Progress Report for Brittany Twenty Ten

Growing up, I always dreaded the time of the year when parent/teacher conferences took place. For some reason, I always got a lecture when my parents got home. My grades were never the problem, but my socializing was. It was always the same thing, "Brittany is sweet, obedient (for the most part), and an overall good student, but she just talks too much and it is distracting to others". I'm pretty sure every single one of my teachers, grades 1-5, moved my desk next to theirs at some point during the year. Sorry for being nice! I thought we were taught in pre-school to share, be social, and to communicate with our classmates. Some people were super good at math and science, I was good at socializing, but for some reason, I was the only one being punished! So I have decided that this year I will give myself my own progress report, where socializing is encouraged and if you have to count with your fingers...it is NOT held against you. My report is as follows;

As January comes to an end, I must say that I have been extremely good about working on my resolutions for the new year. I have been a lot more proactive when it comes to the job search, well at least better than I was before. My dad says it should be a full time job in itself, I would say at this point it's more along the lines of a part time job/volunteer gig, but there is definitely a pulse! As far as dates are concerned, I have turned down a few (still scarred from Burt boy), but when a sexy, smart, guy with long, bad boy hair and an angelic face (aka Kurt Cobain/Jared Leto/Ethan Hawk circa Reality Bites, you get it) comes along...I will most definitely let him wine and dine me. As far as my good judgement....well....that's still a work in progress. I can however, say that my work on my outer beauty is going really well! (It's just so much more fun than the others') I have been flossing every day, went "bad girl" blonde with my locks, currently living off of skinny vanilla lattes, sugar free gum, and beef broth (I've given up on dieting the healthy way, heroin chic/waif by summer!), and have been keeping up on my mani/pedies. And guess what? Since I feel better on the outside, I am feeling much better on the inside (Told you it can work both ways). Also, remember my little army of Ole (pronounced Oooo-La as in "Oooo la la look at Brittany's glowing skin!") Henriksen products? Well, I will admit, we got started off on the wrong J. Simps heel (Never buy a clear face mask). I was doing really well with my skin regimen and then one day I woke up with FOUR solid, red, zits on my face!!! If I can say one thing, it's that I never really had to deal with acne or zits (I get ONE thing to brag about, there are literally 137 things I hate about myself other than that). I felt hurt, confused, offended, betrayed! Why was this expensive, allegedly amazing stuff ruining my skin?! The line that JT, who brought sexy back with his clear face, swore by, the line that Charlize (THE face of Dior) said "J'Adore" to?! Well, just as I was about to flush it all down the toilet and go back to my $9 bottle of Aveeno, that has always done me right, I realized what the problem was (and it was not my army taking the other side), just two days before, when I got out of the bath, I generously applied my new blue/black berry enzyme mask (supposed to do wonders for wrinks). It's a clear mask and you can't feel it after you put it on (must be good!). Problem with that? You can VERY easily forget that you have the mask on. I put it on at roughly three in the afternoon, went to happy hour, came home a little happier than I expected, went right to bed and did not wash off my mask until my morning soak the next day around 10am. The directions say to leave the mask on for 30 minutes....I left it on for 19 hours. Oopsie. Sorry Ole, for blaming you for my own stupidity. A week and a half later my skin is well on it's way to happy and healthy. Now if only I could get myself to drink more than one bottle of water every other day, then I really could have the skin of a 14 year old model! (I know, just let me dream) Progress report states (drum roll): Solid A for positivity, enthusiasm, and effort! Probably not what my therapist or parents would give me, buuuut this is my progress report on moi, not theirs!

Brittany Twenty Ten

With the new year in full force I can not tell you just how happy I was to see 09' go. Although the year did bring some amazing trips and adventures, as it came to an end it sucked as bad as paying full price for a pair of expensive boots and then watching your sister buy them a week later for a third of the price. So I have decided that with the start of a new decade I am going to exfoliate alllll the bad skin off of me (not to be mistaken with the bad girl in me, she stays) and start over as a new woman! First off, I am going to be extremely pro-active in finding a new job. I can not tell you how sick I am of not having a normal routine, a job that challenges me, happy hour (God, I miss HH), and I never thought I would say this...EVER..but a dress code. Yes I, the queen of getting calls from HR regarding my work wardrobe, misses the dress code. Oh, how I do love the challenge of dressing cute and sexy while showing no skin and dealing with the "to the knee" rule (When I reign, there will be no TTK rule). Second, I am focusing on my outer beauty. No I didn't mean inner and accidently write outer, I am focusing on my outer beauty, if I feel beautiful on the outside, I will feel beautiful on the inside (It can work both ways). I am going to floss more, drink more water and less RBV's, possibly lighten up the curls, and consume less salt so that my eyes NEVER get puffy (not sure if mine do, but I read today that if you consume less salt, your eyes will be less puffy). I also just armed myself with some new Ole Hendriksen products, so by the time 2011 rolls around my skin is going to resemble that of a 14 year old model (I aim high). Third, I am going to go on more dates. Now the last time I said this, I ended up on a date with a 47 year old man who was a dead ringer for Burt Reynolds and ended up so drunk that I had to drive his car to my house, watch him literally crawl up my stairs on his hands and knees, and let him pass out on my couch (What was I supposed to do?!) The man literally downed three cocktails before we even ordered dinner. He wanted to take me to Annie Gunns, but I didn't feel comfortable getting on any highway with this man and his moustache, so we settled for Barcelona which was about two miles from my house at the time. That was also a bad idea because I saw three people I knew while we were there. I rushed through the meal so we could get the H out of there and decided we should go to Miso because we could walk there, it was a week night (aka not a large crowd), and it's dark like a dungeon (perfect if I sit with my back to the crowd in a corner), not so much...I saw more people I knew and then some photographer took a picture of Burt boy and me. That's when I panicked, took him to a keg party and watched him bong beers with some 20 somethings that worked at McGurks. Clearly, I was on a roll of great ideas. The next morning I was at work and saw an email on my Blackberry from my sister titled "What is this?!?!". Her ex, while on insidestl.com, found the picture that was taken not 12 hours before and sent it to her and my MOTHER. I had a lot of explaining to do. Lesson learned: Don't go out on dates with people because you are bored and want free dinner, drinks, or entertainment, because in the end...you will end up paying for it one way or another. Lastly, Brittany twenty ten is going to have much better judgement (I pray for it every night, as do my parents) and even though it's a lot more fun to lack good judgement, this might be the year that I remove myself from the HMC (hot mess club). Cheers!